Thanks Sttuffy, you've confirmed something I've been banging on about for a while, I know you're in NZ, but here in the UK 2 women every week DIE at the hands of an abusive partner or former partner, often these men get away with it and certainly never face a murder charge. Like you said men are abused too, but domestic violence toward women is all too often treated as a joke by the authorities. My oldest (girl)friend has just split with her husband this week after years of abuse, FINALLY she called the police the only reason they took it seriously is because he pushed her downstairs in front of her 8 and 4 year old sons. He has had to move out, but keeps turning up drunk on her doorstep (he only moved out Tuesday!). So if any of you out there are suffering, don't let it get that far, one strike and out, for good. Loobie xxx

loobie - (Add As Friend) - Posted: 6/1/2007 7:02:54 AMComment ID: 15515- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

well said stuffy! hope this helps people browsing this site :) xx

carmela - (Add As Friend) - Posted: 6/1/2007 7:33:06 AMComment ID: 15520- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

Stuffy, thats a great post, you may have just saved someone the pain of getting abused, I think its great that you took the time to write that post. great job. Amberlyn

Anonymous - Posted: 6/1/2007 12:22:43 PMComment ID: 15545- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

Don't forget members can click on the number in the yellow box to vote for this post and keep it on the front page.

admin - (Add As Friend) - Posted: 6/1/2007 12:43:13 PMComment ID: 15546- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

May I add that in the UK any woman, whether she has children with her or not, can go to ANY police station and arrangements will be made for her to go to a Safe House. All help that can be given to her is given, including benefits, and the local council become involved too. Don't suffer in silence. You don't have to stay with a violent brute because you have nowhere else to go.

Frances - (Add As Friend) - Posted: 6/1/2007 3:57:04 PMComment ID: 15556- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

Thanks guys... yeah, apparently after a survey done at random there were 57% of women who had been physically or sexually abused at some point in their lives! Can't remember which country the survey was based but that is a whopping amount! Prevention is the best method, but if you are in an abusive relationship (male or female) you don't need to suffer in silence.. there is help you can get to regain control of YOUR life. x

sttuffy - (Add As Friend) - Posted: 6/1/2007 5:28:55 PMComment ID: 15569- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

what an amazing post thank you -x-

shaney - (Add As Friend) - Posted: 1/14/2008 4:14:13 PMComment ID: 25572- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

I just wish the whole of my country could see this post! We have the most horrendous women and child abusr stats in the world... but cultural beliefs here mean that you stay with your husband even if he threatens to kill you. I sometimes women would wake up and see that life is so much bigger than having a husband (again, a cultural belief: having a husband is very important for any respectable woman) Luckily for me - I do'nt belong to that ethnic group, so i'm under no pressure! But good for you by making women around the world aware of the dangers of abusive men - keep up the good work!

Anonymous - Posted: 2/8/2008 5:35:14 AMComment ID: 27559- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

well said. But it doesnt matter, when you find that (so-called) special someone you open your heart and wont bother with knowing stuff like that unless you have children who you see as higher importance then your lover. Most of these people can be spotted via tone of voice and body language but when we open our heart we are less judgemental so we ignore all these vital signs that we would notice with every day people.

Anonymous - Posted: 2/17/2008 9:08:21 AMComment ID: 28398- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

i am a sufferer of this very problem. i have been with my partner for 3 years. All of the clues to spot an abusive man you described, he had. We split up after the first time he attacked me then stupidly, i took him back. I left him just before christmas when he smashed a wine glass into his own forehead and had to be taken into hospital. Now he constantly calls telling me he will kill himself if i dont go back. He tells me i'm selfish because all he needs is one last chance. He has been treated by a psychiatrist but i still dont trust that this will never happen again. We bought a place together over a year ago, which i fully furnished. He says if i dont answer the phone to him he will destroy all of my property which i know he is capable of. I feel like there is no positive outcome available to me. As much as i want my stuff back i just dont have the heart to completely clear out the flat and leave him with nothing...even though i know he deserves it i just dont have it in me. What would you do?

Anonymous - Posted: 2/19/2008 3:16:23 PMComment ID: 28615- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

Hi there Anon, (post above) Good on you for having the courage to get yourself out. No matter what emotional blackmail or threats he comes up with, you mustn't go back. It's time for you to move on and make a new life for yourself.
If it's possible to get your stuff out without seeing him, then of course you should - they belong to you and I'm sure you've worked hard for them, but it's not worth the risk of getting hurt. There definately is light at the end of the tunnel because you've taken those first few brave steps to change your situation and look after yourself. Keep going and stay strong. Even if you walk away with nothing, you will have saved yourself from a miserable future. Shame there's not an abuse register so women could warn other women about men like this and save them a lot of grief. If you would like some of the others to respond to your question if might be a good idea to put your post in the 'Post Problem' section as they might not see it here. All the best

Suzannes - (Add As Friend) - Posted: 2/19/2008 5:48:05 PMComment ID: 28618- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

That was a good idea to post that sort of information because a lot of women don't know what to look out for. I already had a very paranoid boyfriend who used to try and control me... and I'm only 15!x

xviiiJORJA - (Add As Friend) - Posted: 3/1/2008 11:17:29 AMComment ID: 29928- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

hi there im so glad i found this site and read your post and many replies wow domestic violence its not nice .i to am a victim of violence from men i have a story which i may tell you half of it it is long and very confusing let me explain and begin and im hoping that from my post i to can help many but also im hoping many can help me
hear goes
at the agae of 21 i had my first daughter how beautiful god had given me a child it was time for me to grow up and look after the most precious gift the father to my daughter drank and drank and drank he was not a good role model for my daughter
my family paid for me to come to australiato visit my aunt when my daughter was 5 weeks old off i came to aus
after a few mnths of being hear i met a man .he was what i thought was the man of my dreams (turns out hes the man of my nightmares)he use to open car doors and travel for a hour to see me i thought he was a real gentle man that was until we married
i dont know what happened it just all changed.but he was all of the above and more .
i dont want to talk to much about old memories but les say things got bad .
i use to think it was all my fault i was a bad mum and wife,i couldnt protect my children from the mans rage one day i managed to lock him out of the house he was starting on the kids following them from room to room i kept pushing him away from them and managed to get him outside at that point the kids came running to me screaming and crying h isterically as he was banging and smashing at the door to get back in next i knew we were under the table the kids and i huddled crying and scared he smashed the window nd it shattered all over us next he was back inthe house .there was a loud knock on the door and this i believe saved me and my kids it was the police some one had called them waht a relief .well they came and talked and asked if we wanted him taken away at that point i said no its ok we are a family we will get through this i didnt want to separate my family and i was now in a terrible depressed state any way .
this was just one of the things that happened many more things happened and each time his mum would come over and ask what had happened and then turn and tell me it was my fault i believed her and tried to be the perfect wife and mother but nothing was ever good enough.in the end i thought that truley everyone would be better off without me .so i tried to take my own life
it didnt work of course i was taken to hospital and admitted intop mental health from there i decided it was not safe for me ay more and took a dvo this was the end of my marriage but it is from there that my life has spirelled and i need help.
while i was in hospital my family had been trying desperatley to get in touchwithme theyknew there was problems and kept in regular contact with me (living in uk)my family.well they would ring and ring and he would just tell them i was out untill of course they knew something was wrong mum found out i was in mental health and came out to help the best she could for a few weeks but the jist to me telling you all this is
i was broken and doing my best just to survive it isnt the violence thats bd it the mental hurts that come with it.
i did domestic violence councelling and its all good and you realise the patterns of a abusive person but im greatley dissappointed in the sytem you can go talk and they tell you to leave but does any one know and realise these people need help to move on. it has been 3 yrs since this all happened and theres another twist to it all this is whare i need help my children are nt with me they are withthe father after all the courts and things i mentioned my life spirelled out of controll basically i was in no state to look after my children my cousin stood in and helped for a while and it was great but things happened and they kicked me out i had no whare to go and the kids were still with them at that stage so i was out on the streets living from friend to friends couch the my husband was fighting for the kids in throught the courts and in the long run i said yes to them living with him as i couldnt put a roof over there heads i had done everything i possibly could do and i was devistated .
it was to be that i got to see the kids every secound weekend
and half the school holidays that does not happen i havent seen them in over a year he has moved house with them i call them every other night but it is gettting harder and harder to have a converstion with them they now dont want to talk to me and tell me that nothing is any of my buisness they keep secrets theres so much i need to talk to some one about and some one help me with im so messed up from all of it but yet i class my self as a suvivor

Anonymous - Posted: 7/2/2008 9:07:56 PMComment ID: 37626- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

Hi, i dont know if you can halp me or anyone who has been in my situation. My ex partner is in prison for taking a contract out on my life. He is out within the next 6 months and i am desperate to relocate, (i am still in the same house) Is there anyone out there who knows if there is any imformation or who to go to, to find out about this. I have 2 children and there has already been a threat of kidnap to them. I know this can be done but dont know who i should be asking and time isnt on my side.

Anonymous - Posted: 9/14/2008 4:20:30 PMComment ID: 40405- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

Anon you should go to the top of the page and click on POST PROBLEM and set your details there in order for people to answer you. Good luck.

Frances - (Add As Friend) - Posted: 9/15/2008 5:34:58 AMComment ID: 40421- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

Everything that you do is a product of what you see ? like it or not. If you don?t see it you will be flat, wiohutt purpose and scattered. When the going gets a bit tough as it surely will at times, search your mind for your very own success picture and keep it in focus. It?s a great pick-me-up. But more than that ? you have something to reach for. If your picture is somewhat blurred ? tidy it up, make it smart and desirable.

Anonymous - Posted: 12/8/2012 6:06:39 PMComment ID: 77989- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

Everything that you do is a product of what you see ? like it or not. If you don?t see it you will be flat, wiohutt purpose and scattered. When the going gets a bit tough as it surely will at times, search your mind for your very own success picture and keep it in focus. It?s a great pick-me-up. But more than that ? you have something to reach for. If your picture is somewhat blurred ? tidy it up, make it smart and desirable.

Anonymous - Posted: 12/8/2012 6:07:07 PMComment ID: 77990- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

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