People who are inlove and are soulmates don't refer to their relationship as "just a bit of fun"
You need to sit her down and find out why she is not being honest. Maybe she wants to be in control but either way, you need to know.

Anonymous - Posted: 2/9/2010 8:31:49 AMComment ID: 59693- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

How old is she?

Anonymous - Posted: 2/9/2010 11:08:59 AMComment ID: 59699- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

I can see what you mean! Is it too much to ask for people to be honest, straightforward and upfront?

She sounds more confused than you do! Telling other people that it's just a bit of fun and she likes being single, but getting all 'emotional' if you so much as suggest that things aren't serious sounds like she has multiple personalities. Now considering that she's older than you, that just isn't mature.

I would have liked to say that this was some kind of defense mechanism to stop herself from potentially being hurt, e.g. if you were to dump her then she wouldn't be heartbroken because she's convinced herself and her friends that she likes being single anyway and is just having a bit of fun with you. But, I'm sorry to say that I don't think it is because she's being so open about it and yet is clearly desperate for you to give her commitment. If she were being truly cautious then she wouldn't say anything to her friends until she is sure of what is going on between you and certainly wouldn't be putting on emotional displays in front of you.

A classy lady does not comment on the nature of her relationships to friends and acquaintances in those terms either, not until something is well established.

I think that the reason that she may not being honest is that she has not resolved what she actually wants. Maybe what she has with you does not fit with what she thinks that her friendship group approves of (e.g. she thinks that they value women who are single, strong, independent and having fun, rather than those who are desperate for marriage and children and have emotional outbursts at the drop of a hat) and she is just trying to fit in with her friends. Perhaps this is why she is one way with her friends but entirely the other way with you.

I would advise you that if you talk to her you put it in a way that puts both sides into one sentence and points out the conflict; i.e I can't reconcile why on the one hand I'm hearing that you like being single and that you see me as just a bit of fun, but seem so upset when I........ It's less confrontational than asking her in two separate chunks of 'why did you say?', getting a response, and then attacking with an 'so in which case why do you start blarting when....'. However, if she gets emotional over you suggesting that you're not 100% serious, committed and whatever, then she is probably likely to start with the tears and stammering whichever way you ask her.

Good luck. Whatever you decide to do.

Belle - (Add As Friend) - Posted: 2/9/2010 4:31:07 PMComment ID: 59710- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

I used to date a guy, and I really liked him t, but as a defense mechanism, I often lied about our relationship. She is probably not sure herself as to what your relationship is, and how it will last. She might just be afraid of both losing you, and getting hurt. You need to just sit down with her, over-treat her (something cheesy and over-romantic often works ;] ) and then try to talk to her about the situation.

Anonymous - Posted: 2/9/2010 5:03:05 PMComment ID: 59711- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

I'm going to sound harsh but I beleive that this is just a case of unrequited love. She doesn't seem to share your feelings and may really just enjoy being single and be able to see who she likes when she likes.

I know you're crazy about her, but you may have to be realistic here. Badgering her won't help she may even end up depising you for it and you may even end up in a whole heap of grief.

Stay away from her for a while. If she really wants you she'll come after you. You've made your feelings clear to her and for now that's all you can do. Patience may pay of here, if just be that you're seeming to be a bit clingy and that's scaring her off - give her space and see what develops. If it's meant to be it will be. Don't drink yourself into oblivion either you'll only feel ten times worse. Good luck

Loobie - (Add As Friend) - Posted: 2/10/2010 2:10:48 AMComment ID: 59715- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

Righto! You're being taken for a fool man!!!! Get a grip and get rid of this floozy.

Anonymous - Posted: 2/10/2010 7:39:33 AMComment ID: 59719- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

Unfortunatly, if she allowed her ex to take advantage of her, she must have wanted something to happen between them, even if she has no intention of getting back with him, you didn't enter her mind. I agree with Loobie, I don't think she shares your feelings, she enjoys being single, doing what she likes without facing consequences. You need to face the facts - you two want different things and if you carry on seeing her, hoping you'll win her over, I'm afraid I think you were fighting a battle that you're never going to win.
Stay away from her for a while, so you can start getting over her. Good Luck. x x x

Anonymous - Posted: 2/10/2010 7:57:11 AMComment ID: 59720- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

What does she mean it wasn't with her consent? Where did she sleep with him; not with her parents that's for sure. His place? Did he drag her by the hair up to his place. Sleezy hotel? She's having you on. She's a man-eater and will have any man, anytime, anywhere any place. Just like the Martini girl. I notice you have to pay for everything! Wake up.

Anonymous - Posted: 2/10/2010 8:36:50 AMComment ID: 59722- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment

Well honey, I know that it feels terrible now but in one respect I think that it's better that you found out early before you had made a bigger commitment. She doesn't seem to be stable and the more you get into a relationship the more that the other person's instabilities and vulnerabilities seem to show and sometimes it is best that these things end sooner rather than later - she might be one of those that gets really emotional over the slightest thing and you will end up worrying that she'll do something silly if you end things with her.

I know that it all feels broken at the moment, but sometimes these things just seem to happen for a reason - fate, destiny, whatever you want to call it.

You seem like a really nice guy and you deserve to have someone who is upfront, straight and honest as well as being on your wave length and making you laugh and you also don't want someone who gets all emotional over the slightest thing and has big dramas. Everyone has their faults, but I think that her faults would have grated on you very soon and would have made you miserable in the long term.

So big hug for you. Hope things start looking up soon, and if you can't make it to the bar then treat yourself to a nice bottle of whatever you like at home (but don't sink down to the bottom of it). x

Belle - (Add As Friend) - Posted: 2/10/2010 9:03:20 AMComment ID: 59723- Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment